So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
