My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
