Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
