All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
