he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
