i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
