I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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