Nicole vs. Life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
