so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
