She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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