The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
