i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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