Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
