I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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