What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
