Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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