dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
