and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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