just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize