the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
