So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
