Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
