In the future we'll all be gay
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
