Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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