Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
