What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
