I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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