i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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