There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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