This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
