i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
