I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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