Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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