I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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