I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
