If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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