plz talk dirty to me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
