mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
