She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
