I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pi๑atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
