why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
