24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
