I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
