it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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