While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
