There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
wow bdsm is so cute
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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