I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
