How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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