It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
