my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
