I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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