ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
