Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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