Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
