Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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